Fresh start, fresh love, fresh beginnings…..loving once again with all my heart, feeling with all my soul and hoping that my search has reached its end–finding true love, my “soulmate” who I am able to compliment and who is able to compliment me on an emotional, intellectual and physical level is what I have been searcing for….I hope my MFM continues to feel as deeply for me as I do for him. And as far as the km’s stretch–distance is only a car ride away, a few hours in a day, to unite two hearts in love that know not time nor distance.

If love and relationships were easy…they wouldn’t be worth it…some things you need to continually work at together and with time it deepens and becomes even stronger…and the love you have developed for one another is truly the gift you have given to each other. Never lose sight of the one who captures your heart, takes your breath away,  adds a sparkle to your eye and a smile to your lips. I love you!!

I am over the separation  of my marriage.  Over the feelings of “why didn’t..” or “what ifs…”, you can only be the support for so long….and then your wall begins to crumble. And even though to this day….my ex still tries to get under my skin and make me cry–I feel bad for him, somewhat empathetic to his present situation. I know full well never in a million years, whether I had stayed or not–would life with him as  I knew it,  ever have changed. I was drowing in a relationship going to nowhere land–empty promises spoken like everyday salutations. I just woke up one day and couldn’t take it anymore, didn’t want to fix it…and I had passed the point of no return. I wanted to be happy again, live my life full speed ahead, reach the goals I had set long ago and live my dreams as fully as  I could. I could not experience any of that if  I remained where I was. So for the next 6 months I sat on the fence–should I stay and give it one more chance…or should I go before the days turn into months–and the years fly by. It was a hard decision, with no turning back-and I made the right choice by leaving. Even though the companionship and communication had long dwindled…you still knew someone else was in the house with you , even if you were living two different lives. Took me some time after to get used to being alone…not a good feeling, but with time it begins to fade. And life only gets better.

I do not regret the time I spent with my ex, we had some really good times–but as well, I do not regret leaving and if I were to do it all over again, I would have still left. I feel bad, if not more saddened of what has become of my ex–he seems to have reverted back to his old ways before we started dating–”the bad boy-tough guy..”, nothing good can come from that attitude.  I know I should in no way feel responsible for the actions or choices of a grown adult–but I can’t help but blame myself a wee bit for not being able to keep him balanced.  Then again, was he trying in any way to fulfill my emotional needs…   No,  cause here I am starting over.

Yet the outline of your face

I could trace

With my eyes closed.

A picture of you is ingrained

In my mind’s

Photo album

As every page turns

I see you.

I know not

What sweet promises

Your lips

Hold captive.  Or how I would feel

 If passion and electricity

Danced across my skin

While lying in your arms;

And yes sometimes I wonder.

Though we have never touched

Flesh to flesh

We have given a piece of ourselves

And touched hearts.

Chemistry is electric

Two bodies touching

Wanting, but unsure

Of all consequence.

We have searched

And our souls found each other

Innocently enough,Intrigue and longing

Growing deep in their depths.

I want you, I want to feel you

but knowing right now

we can’t be 

my feelings are best kept 

Written on paper.

  051706 ksa